Year 9 of teaching is officially done! It's hard to believe I've been doing this for almost a decade. Some days I still think of myself as a new teacher, but when I think about being 9 years in, that thought quickly vanishes. Ha! 900+ middle schoolers will do that to you.
Year 9 was my first year teaching as a mom. Being a mom really does change your perspective on a lot of things. I'm not saying women who aren't moms can't be great teachers or love their students deeply; I did that for 8 years. But, being a mom helped me see my students in a whole new light.
The biggest difference was how I hurt differently for them. I will never forget one of my students in Durham crying all day at school because it was his birthday and he knew he wouldn't hear from his dad because his dad was in prison. My heart broke that day, but my heart broke even more for my students this year because I thought, "What if that was Chloe?"
I had a student who was new to the country. She is here with dad and has no contact with mom right now simply because there's no way to contact mom; not because she was taken from mom. She understands English pretty well, but doesn't speak it much. I can't imagine being in such a desperate place that I'd send my child to another country without me. No judgement to that mom...I know it took great courage and probably takes courage everyday being away from her, but my heart broke for her and her mom. She missed her mom so much this year and that led to a lot of other issues that broke my heart for her.
I had a student who is coming out of a very traumatic situation. We had one experience this year where that trauma tried to rear its ugly head back in her life. Watching this precious little girl deal with the emotions and fear that brought literally brought me to tears. My team mates often said to me this year when we would be meeting about her, "Are you going to cry again?" It just broke my heart that someone could ever think about hurting this child...any child!
I had a student this year who got brave enough to let us know about abuse that was going on at home. Unfortunately the system is broken and after promising to do everything in our power to keep him safe, I had to tell him he had to get on the bus and go home that afternoon. The fear in his eyes and the pit in my stomach was devastating.
Then we had countless students being raised by grandparents and some even by great grandparents. While they have awesome people caring for them and loving them, that's not how it should be. The abandonment by their parents is so evident in the way they act. While that behavior is often bad behavior, when you stop and reflect for a moment on all they've been through in their 11 or 12 short years of life, it helps you have a little more compassion. To sit in a parent conference with grandparents and great grandparents and watch them literally cry over how overwhelmed they are with raising another child in this day and age of technology is heart breaking. This isn't how it should be, but sadly more and more students are in this situation.
When you teach 100 kids every year for 9 years, you're guaranteed to come in contact with trauma and hurt and brokenness. Looking at these kids from a momma's heart made me hurt just a little differently for them this year.
On the flip side of hurting differently for my students, I also swelled with emotion over the happy times. Each year the Language Arts teacher on our team invites parents to write us a letter telling us about their child in "a million words or less." As she gets these letters in, she shares them with the team. Reading these parents and grandparents tell us about their child and how awesome they are brought tears of joy to my eyes several times. I know day in and day out having a middle schooler in the house is not easy. They think they know it all and their emotions and hormones are raging; you literally never know what you're going to get. But to see parents stop for a few minutes and write such awesome words about their child was so special. It was cool this year because she ended up sending this assignment out a little later than she's done in the past. So by the time letters started coming in, we already knew the students a little bit. That helped personalize the letters even more and made them even more meaningful.
Maybe I was just a big mess of hormones and emotions myself this year coming into the year as a new mom, but I really feel like being a mom gave me a slightly different perspective with my students this year that I didn't expect. It made me grateful for my parents and hopeful that Stephen and I will raise Chloe in an environment where she knows she's loved and cared for.
I'm sure my mom is crying at this point and probably thinking "I told you so" because Allyson and I used to make so much fun of her for crying at the drop of a hat over anything sentimental. ;)
With all of that being said, I am 100% enjoying every second of being home this summer with Chloe and soaking in every bit of her cuteness and snuggles!
As always, a look back:
Year Eight: ChloeYear Seven: Another Year
Year Six: Transitions
Year Five: Celebrations and Recognitions
Year Four: I Got This!
Year Three: Contentment
Year Two
Year One: A Year in Review
Year One: Lessons Learned
💕
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