Year 2

**This post is long and wordy. Feel free to skip it. You've been warned.**

I've been thinking about this post for a while and procrastinating on starting it for a while too. You may have noticed that this blog took a turn this year from being all about teaching to more about life. There was a reason for that and a reason for the procrastination.

Yes, I have tried to avoid talking about it this year in an attempt to keep my blog light hearted and positive. However, I want to be honest on here so I can look back one day and see a true reflection of the stage of life that I'm currently in. I believe honest, true reflection is healthy and I'm to a point where I'm ready to reflect instead of simply complain. So, here we go...

My second year of teaching was hard.

I prided myself at the end of last year with the fact that I didn't have any breakdowns; I didn't go home crying; I didn't want to walk out the door and never look back. I can't say as much for my 2nd year.

The transition from summer back to teaching was tough. It was tough because I went from a lot of free time with my new husband to getting up at the crack of dawn and working a lot.

I hated those early mornings.

I hated all of the extra work I was still having to put in for lesson planning.

They say your second year is tough because you realize how bad the lessons were from your first year so you spend as much time if not more "fixing" them the second go round. Not only that, but we taught our first unit this year completely different than we did last year so I was starting from scratch...again. And, I really didn't like it.

I did, however, get back into the swing of things. My body slowly readjusted to the crazy early morning schedule again. That first unit came and went and I was able to use a lot of my stuff from last year for the rest of the units with a few tweaks here and there. So, the work load at home did lighten some. I still didn't get a lot of time with Stephen and that was annoying. He worked until 6 or 6:30 every night. So by the time he got home and we ate, it was time for me to go to bed. I still stuck to my 9:00 bedtime. That sleep is so crucial for me.

It wasn't long though until the pressure began. It was a growing/learning year for our administration. There were a lot of growing pains and they didn't do the best job. I wrote last year about how there was a lack of encouragement from administration and I was trying to learn from that. Well, there was still a huge lack of encouragement with a lot more pressure on every part of teaching this year.

I'll never forget the feeling after the PLC meeting when every administrator and support staff barged into our PLC and ripped us apart. My principal, all 3 assistant principals, the AIG coordinator, the testing coordinator, and our instructional facilitator surrounded the 4 of us at the table. Long story short, we left that meeting so broken and beaten down feeling like the worst teachers ever.

Now, do I think they were trying to make us feel like we were the worst teachers ever? No. They are not cruel and evil people, but they clearly did not think through the way they presented what they had to say. I wanted to scream at them WE ALL HAVE DEGREES IN TEACHING! SOME OF US HAVE 2 DEGREES IN TEACHING! WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING!

Then, there was the string of three observations in a row where my classroom procedures and lesson plans were picked apart. Any statement where I was praised for what I was doing ended with a way I still needed to tweak it.

I'm all for constructive criticism.

I was just a 2nd year teacher.

I have a lot of room to improve, but I don't need three observations in the span of 2 weeks ripping me apart without giving me the chance to change anything.

The points that were made were great points. And, I did make a lot changes to my teaching/procedures after those observations. Once I calmed down from the frustration and defeated feeling again, I was able to grow and learn from it. I just would have appreciated a more tactful presentation of what they expected of me.


By this point in the year I was tired. I was frustrated. I felt like my bosses thought I sucked at what I did. If someone did come in my room, I become very anxious. I would work so hard to make sure my students were doing exactly what they were supposed to do, trying to make a good impression.

The frustration and stress led to me having a terrible attitude.

That terrible attitude made it really tough to enjoy my students. The smallest things annoyed me. My temper was short. I wasn't fun to be around, especially at school.

I explained it to someone like this: I felt like I was holding a glass vase in my hands that had already cracked and I was working so hard to not let it shatter into a million pieces on the ground.

I was ready to walk out the door. I started dreaming about an 8-5 job--entering data into a computer--in a quiet office--with an hour long lunch break--and adults to talk to all day. Ahh...paradise...

I couldn't think of any reason to stay. I was so fed up with everything: The pressure of test scores, the pressure of a "perfect" classroom, middle school students...etc. etc.

Then one day after a relaxing weekend with the end of the school year in sight, I realized I wasn't fed up with everything. I had allowed myself to develop such a negative attitude that it was affecting every aspect of my job and parts of my life outside of school.

Yes, the pressure from administration was difficult and unfair at times, but that was really the only thing I had to complain about. I had just allowed it to consume me.

I had a great group of kids this year.

I knew that at the beginning of the year, but then forgot it in the midst of feeling like I had to get them to perform for me every time administration was around. Once I decided to shut my door and keep my focus on students and doing my best, my attitude began to change. Yes, my heart still raced if an administrator came in my room, but I learned to not care. I was doing my best and was doing a good job. My students were learning and were working hard.

The end of the school year was much better. I decided to stay in teaching and as I'm entering the summer, I even have hope that next year will be better.

I really tried to see things from my administration's point of view. I know that a lot of pressure was being put on them from downtown. I know in a school Carrington's size that not everyone was doing their job to the best of their ability. I feel like as a result, I and the 7th grade team as a whole suffered the brunt of their stress and frustration just like my students suffered the brunt of my stress and frustrations.

I'm hoping we can all learn from the craziness of this year, move on from it, and have a great year next year!

I will say that when the test scores came in, which is all that a lot people care about, 7th grade math made high growth and we met our goal for proficiency!

See, I told you we knew what we were doing!